An unfortunate combination of customer dissatisfaction, managerial impotency and employee laziness has resulted in Cupid Carpets falling on hard times. As a result, Nigel (the firm’s desperate, but ultimately ineffectual, owner) is all-too-eager to take on any job that comes his way. So when he gets a call from an old country house, situated in the middle of nowhere, he doesn’t hesitate in sending his team to the remote location. Upon arriving however, the carpet fitters quickly realize that the job is actually a trap set by a local family of bloodthirsty cannibals. The carpet fitters are thus forced to band together in a brutal fight for survival, one that pits them against the deformed and savage Hannings clan.
Going in to Cannibals and Carpet Fitters I wasn’t expecting a great deal if I’m honest. But I was pleasantly surprised by the time that credits rolled. It was as funny, quirky and brilliantly British as any low-budget horror movie could be and with the bar I had initially set for it being incredibly low Cannibals and Carpet Fitters jumped over this bar with elegant ease. Don’t get me wrong, this film is far from perfect but it has a unique charm to it that kept me watching.
Cannibals and Carpet Fitters has an air of Wrong Turn, The Hills Have Eyes and even a Shaun of the Dead vibe to it when merging these blood thirsty cannibals with these stereotypical British ‘plonkers’. Whilst acting skills were no where to be seen it was still good fun watching this carpet fitters being picked off and chased around by these rather brainless cannibals looking for their next tasty snack. I read a rather silly review about this movie where the reviewer was comparing the choice of carpet fitters for the films title as opposed to any other job and I’m pretty sure I can answer that for them. It’s a fucking movie! The one gripe that I had with this film thou however was the fact that the mother of these bloodthirsty cannibals rang these carpet fitters to do her carpets. When they arrived they were just hunted down and mutilated. What about her carpet? Surely she wanted the carpets laid down, then once they’ve finished the job she could eat them but nope. Straight to the chase. Bit of a huge plot hole there!
As much as I admire Alex Zane’s quirky Russell Brand esque flair and Jessica-Jane Stafford from The Real Hustle all those years ago, I was pleasantly happy that their early appearance in the film was short lived. Just my personal opinion of course, and no bad feelings in terms of them as people, actors or presenters. It just felt forced, a cameo for the sake of a cameo aud it started the film off rather poorly although the special FX makeup in the opening scene was nothing short of incredible!
What this film lacks in story, acting ability and anything remotely scary. It more than makes up for with heart, ambition and quirky comedic moments. Twists and turns that you wouldn’t expect in a million years and everyone seems to be having fun in-front of the camera. Everything feels natural and not overly forced (bar Jenny Stoke’s character perhaps). The cinematography in this film is wonderful with some beautiful aerial shots and very visually attractive scenery throughout. The cinematography reminded me very much of the work of Jess Hall (Hot Fuzz) and Bill Pope (World’s End) where British essence is captured so naturally and so attractively whilst also maintaining an air of fun and experimentation.
Cannibals and Carpet Fitters is a fun indie flick that I can see gathering a small little cult following. Dis-engage that analytical brain of yours and let Cannibals and Carpet Fitters take you away to 80 mins of gory scenes, British humour and good fun.